Home again, after a wonderful visit in Houston with Sam and Cassie and the babies.  D came down yesterday, and was voted 'Favorite Uncle David' by Kinsey, who decided he was the neatest thing since sliced bread.

I hated leaving, knowing that it will be almost a year until I see them again, but I'm already plotting how much money needs to be put back for us to fly up next year. 

We came home and the door into the den was cracked open.  All of our belongings and both cats were inside, and everything seemed normal until D noticed that one of the outside cats was behind the stove.  Cue chase scene, but he's now outside, and probably no worse for the wear - as soon as his ticker recovers from the fright.  Kali is sleeping on my suitcase, so I haven't unpacked yet, either.  :-)

I'm off to read, but y'all talk a *lot*, so if I missed anything super exciting, let me know, okay?

*HUGS*

Cassie's here, and our visit is going wonderfully.

Kali decided that there wasn't nearly enough cat hair in her suitcase, though...

Someone asked me what Shay was like, and I've spent a good part of the day thinking how to answer that.  I keep getting flashes of memory that say so much of her spirit and her love.

The moment they laid her on my chest, with the umbilical cord still attached and she looked at me, I thought "I would die for you.  I would kill for you.  You own me now.'  [1]  I saw that she had a little fold in the top of her ear, just like her dad, and I realized for the first time that this littler person was a part of me.  The Universe became so big and so small at the same time right at that moment.

When I was pregnant with Cassie, Shay was still quite young (only 14 months old when she was born).  We came home from the hospital and showed Shay her new baby sister.  Her reaction was 'I want doggie.' and off she went.  Not impressed until much later.

Lying on a hospital bed the night she was diagnosed, with a baby Kermit doll wearing a mask to match hers.  4 1/2 years old, in a hospital for the first time, and she trusted me to make sure she was safe.  Blood draws, spinal taps and bone marrow aspirations - she took them all, without as much fear as I would have shown, if I was there with her.  I never lied to her about what would happen, and if something would hurt, we told her.  We compared her cancer cells to dots and her chemotherapy to Pac-Man.  She laughed in the hospital all the time.

Her first day of school, with a buzz cut, because her hair was just starting to grow back.

Waiting with a syringe full of water for her physical therapist to walk through the door during her first transplant and dousing her, while cackling loud enough to make the nurses come running.  Putting up a drawing of a tombstone and grave on her hospital room door, with the caption 'Any day above ground is a good one'.  We had to take that down, because we were scaring the normals.  The nurses telling me that she had the best attitude of anyone they had ever seen come through all of this.

'I've kicked cancers' butt before, I can do it again.'  Over and over and over.

A standing ovation at graduation.

Starting college, knowing that she was going to be a Child Life Specialist and work with cancer kids.  Telling Katy that she was gunning for her job.  Working so hard, and having to drop out her second semester because the cancer came back.

'Another transplant?  Okay, Cassie's spare parts.' with the BIGGEST smile on her face, and hugs for her sister.

Riding a 4-wheeler at my sisters house, full open, and shifting with her hand because her legs weren't strong enough to do it anymore.  Hearing her laughter as she zoomed past me, going 90 to nothing.  From her earliest steps, she had no fear.

Telling teenage boys in a movie theater to shut up so she could watch the movie, and having them apologize to her afterward.  Dancing in her bare feet and a green formal, with her bald head shining in the lights.  That smile.

She was so many things, and I can't even begin to list them all.  She was a daughter, a sister, a niece and a friend.  She was an inspiration to so many people, and she never gave up.


[1]  I felt the absolute same thing when I held Cassie the first time, and couldn't believe that I had been given this amazing gift twice in one lifetime.  I've been truly blessed.

Billy Mays, king of the informercials, is dead, too. 

This can stop any time.

hillarygayle  gave me more words.

Time - Time, as in time flies, where has the time gone and what time is it and why am I still awake.  :-)   Sometimes I don't notice the passage of time, because in ways, I still feel like I did 'way back when'.  Pre-children, pre-adulthood, pre-responsibilities.  Other times, the passage of time sits on my shoulders like a boulder, driving me further and further into the ground and making it impossible to move.  Also, my favorite time is 2:15 in the afternoon.  No, absolutely no reason for this.

Texas - Big damned state, but the kid had to one-up me by moving to Alaska.   I love this state.  I love so many things about it, and if I could do away with George W. and some of the heat, it would be perfect.  I'd also like to be able to move my little portion of it to wherever I desire, to make visiting folks easier, but that super-power hasn't manifested itself yet.

Growth - Yeah, I've got one right here on my side that looks kind of like J. Edgar Hoover... oh, that's not what you meant.  Okay, how about me growing out of my pants?  Hmmm, not that either?  Dang it.

Pain - It's been there; emotional, physical and spiritual, but I've discovered that pain makes you stronger in a lot of ways.  Once you're through it, and you look back, you realize that you *did* survive.  You did make it when you weren't sure you would.  It's not easy, it's not pretty, but it can be done.

Flight - Again with the non-working super powers.  Of course, if I ever did manage the power of flight, I'd probably only be able to fly sitting on my bum 15.89 inches off the ground, which means that dogs would chase me and I'd probably be outrun by the neighbourhood 3 year old on a Big Wheel.  (Do they even make Big Wheels any more, or is everything motorized now?) 

( Happy birthday, Shay Valerie )



The collage was made by jubal51394 .  Thank you.

Thank god I checked BBC America - the new Dr. Who is tonight!  ::squeeeeee::

I figure y'all have probably seen it already, but I haven't so I'm going to be excited if I want to.  :-)

I just drove, for the first  time in about 6 months.  It's the first time I've driven the Kia, and we've had it since the beginning of February.  First, D does almost all of the driving when we go anywhere anyway, and then with me not being able to locate my license, plus not having a life - it just didn't happen.

Today, I went to the library to pick up my books.  No problems, and I really like the SUV.  I like the air conditioning in the SUV even more, because it's 107 fricking degrees out there!  The heat index has it at 113 and it's like breathing soup.  Dumb me forgot that: a) I should use my inhaler before I go out into this crap and b) wearing black pants was probably not the wisest fashion choice in this weather anyway.  Honestly, *skin* is the only choice once it gets this hot, but sunburns and sticking to the seats make that a less than optimal choice.

Anyway, I'm home, I'm cooling off and I have enough books to last quite a while.  Life is good.

~~~~~~~~~~

Does anyone on my flist have wide feet?  Size 10, extra wide?  Would anyone be interested in buying a pair of Hush Puppies?  I bought these for myself, but I should have gone down a half size or so, because they're too big.  They're super comfortable, and  I've only worn them a handful of times, but I hate to just see them sit in the closet and go to waste. 

I've been picking up my room, and was tired of listening to nothing but the ceiling fan, so decided to turn to LaunchCast.  I'm listening to 'Class of 82', and wow - memories!  Marvin Gaye, Air Supply, Flock of Seagulls...  I feel so old.  :-)

Of course, at least this way all the grey in my hair makes sense.

There's a whole lot of not sleeping happening around here, but I'm going to try to nap on and off during the day to make up for it.  Urgh.

I don't know if she'll ever see this, but I have to wish a Happy Birthday to the woman who was my best friend for many years.  We worked together, laughed together, fought and held each other up when it was needed.  She was the one who came to Ft. Worth to get me out of the hospital during Shay's second transplant and held me when we learned the cancer was back.  She gave me hope and something to smile about, and I like to think that I did the same for her.

Our birthdays lined up perfectly - hers today, Shay's tomorrow and mine the day after that.  We used to joke about it and swear it was a sign.

She purchased a star in Shay's memory.

I honestly still don't know what happened to drive her away from me.  I must have done something horrid, and I feel awful that I was so inconsiderate that I don't even know what it was.  :-(

I ran across her new place of work a while back, and today - I sent a happy birthday message to her.  I hope she doesn't get upset, but I wanted to let her know that I still think about her. 

Tina, I miss you and hope that all is well.